Schuldig's medical journal
by Haruka Hiasobi
Summary: SchuSchu is a first year student. His first assignment after 3 weeks of class would be working in a hospital.
1. Virgin eyes

Dear diary,

Dear diary,

This is the second day I'm working in the stupid hospital. I am now pretty prepared to kill off every single patient and nurse. God, this is pure torture. Today I had to change a grown man's diapers. The first penis I see beside man is to be one of an incompetent 70 year old man. My virgin eyes. I'm definitely branded for life now. Somebody shoot me! 

Every time I close my eyes, the image of puke or other bodily fluids jump to mind. I am so not going to survive this. Did I mention that tomorrow is my birthday? I'm turning 18 tomorrow. It's supposed to be spectacular they say. Somehow I have the feeling it is going to be the worst ever. I don't feel like celebrating anyway. My parents and grandparents are all very eager to do so and I don't. I should blame it all on my mom actually. Somebody should have told her that you do NOT deliver a child in late September. This way every birthday runs the risk of having to go to school. Believe me if I say that this has been the case quite a few times over the past few years. Do you know that the hospital doesn't smell like that sterilizing liquid? Maybe if you're lucky and you don't end up anywhere near the wards where people stay there day in day out. 

This entire project is a stupid thing, if you asked me. If I wanted to be a nurse, I wouldn't have signed up for medicine school. The board however decided to change the policy and way of learning some years back. Now they're sending freshmen to hospitals for two weeks. There they are supposed to learn the way things work. Couldn't they send people with the doctors? Since that's actually what you're gonna be and do. Nop, they had to put you in the care of nurses. And guess what? If you don't get a satisfactory here, you get to redo the whole darn thing. The thought is unbearable. If they don't give me the mark, they can take it and shove it. I would just change universities or spend a year doing something. Anything. 

Schu


	2. the human fertilizer

Dear dear diary that does seem to have become my venting machine,  
  
Why does it seem that the very thing I wished for it to just not happen, would of course happen to me? What could I have possibly done wrong in my previous life to deserve this kind of treatment? They treat me like a prisoner, no a slave. A mindless doll that has to do everything they do or suffer from their wrath in the form of an insufficient mark. They should have advertised that on the universities' educational introduction. Premed: Are you slow or retarded or perhaps both? We are looking for you! We are looking for one young, enthusiastic and most importantly stupid guy, who shall do the bidding of the evil bitches from hell.  
  
My birthday went by without me noticing it. Nothing happened on that day. Oh wait! Something did happen. I learned how to use the human fertilizers cleaner, the one I had personally doped as the piss-and-shit-eater.  
  
Also got my first evaluation test before the real one. I'll give you three guesses. Yeah, that's right. Failed with flying colors. I had worked my ass off, was practically ready to go and be committed myself and managed to get that. The freaking bitch nurses. Women, God, why did You put THAT kind of women on this earth? At least they should be made unfertilized so their evil spawn won't devour the earth some dark day. Their advice: Schu, you need to interact more with the patients, do more. I wanted to say: I do plenty, just not in your sight. If you put a security camera on me, I would be happy to go and show it to you. With much self restraint, thinking about how pissed off Bradley would be if I didn't make it helped I lot, I managed not to.  
  
Weekend had been very much needed. I felt like cars had collided with each other from all directions with me in the middle. I managed to lose 5 pounds in 5 days without doing anything, I kid you not. That must be a record somewhere. Bradley dearest just said, that will toughen you up. Yeah right. Chase me to an early grave is more like it. Have I introduced Bradley yet? Probably not. Well, he is my multitalented and genius older brother. He graduated med school couple of years ago, is currently making more money than he can spend and also starting his own company. He is a sadistic, cruel and self centered bastard that thrive on the misfortunes of others (read: me). It was his convincing speech that made ours folks decide to drop me into the stupid school. (For which I shall be thankful to him for the rest of my unhappy life.) My alternative had been the military academy. Since I really ain't big on following orders, that would have worked out even less.  
  
I feel too tired now. Wish me sweet dreams where I shall dream about crippled nurses and pushing them in front of trucks. If I survive through the next week, I'll write more.  
  
Schu  
  
  
  
  
  
Author: If I had actually offended anyone, don't take it personally. Next chap. Will Schu manage to get a sufficient mark or does he have to go through this hell again? 


End file.
